I remember then, but now...

I remember about six years ago
When I to the LORD came alone
In full surrender and self-crucifixion
Accepting God's redemption and salvation
The spiritual awakening and passion thereafter
The loss of my friends and the pain I caused my mother
How daily I deeply immersed myself in God's word
Desiring a growth that is out of this world

I remember my first lessons on faith
How greatly I desired to be a man of faith
To live a medication free life
To turn things in my favour without strife
Really, I gave all I had in me
But some level of faith seems beyond me
Regardless of the times I miss my goal
I will keep my faith as a burning coal

But now my Christian life is no longer the same
Not that my passion and faith no longer remain
It is just that they are now borne out of soberness
No longer out of energy packed impulse and eagerness
My joy and peace comes from the things I give up
And not from self comparison or the things I take up
Though sobriety gives me great resiliency
But at the risk of a latent complacency